It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:20 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:16 am 
Offline
Level: 37 Overlord
HP: 121 / 4047
121 / 4047
MP: 1932 / 1932
1932 / 1932
EXP: 2091 / 2148
2091 / 2148
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 11:46 pm
Posts: 2091
XBL Gamertag: Man Of Pies
PSN ID: AbsintheChris
Steam ID: AbsintheChris
Wii system code: 1640 3605 3188 9965
Image

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

_________________

List of people to refuse chat invites from: Blokey, Ax


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Impoerant imformation for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:48 am 
Offline
Level: 46 Alchemist
HP: 448 / 7478
448 / 7478
MP: 3570 / 3570
3570 / 3570
EXP: 3606 / 3828
3606 / 3828
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 28, 2008 12:54 pm
Posts: 3606
Location: Baltimore, MD
XBL Gamertag: PantsOfJustice
PSN ID: TalesOfPants
0.) Best post ever.

1.) I lol'd.

2.) Care for a Revolutionary War round 2? Do you still line up and wear bright red? Come at us, bro.

3.) We do not want your beer. We will join Germany for beer and Schnitzel.


Also, this, 'cause 'murrica.

_________________
『ようこそ!ワタシの音楽工場へへへへへへへへへへへへへへ』
.
.
.
『絶対逃ガサナイカラ』


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:43 am 
Offline
Level: 52 Time Mage
HP: 970 / 10781
970 / 10781
MP: 5147 / 5147
5147 / 5147
EXP: 5280 / 5401
5280 / 5401
User avatar

Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 11:28 pm
Posts: 5280
Location: Mississippi, USA
PSN ID: Terrabro
Steam ID: The Voice of Justice
Nintendo ID: Terradude
PieMan wrote:
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.


Of course french(lowercase f) fries aren't chips you nonce.
They're frenched, i.e., cut into thin sticks
and then fried. Hence the name.
We have chips. They're called steak fries. They're bomb. Everybody who's anybody loves them.

We also have crisps. They're Pringles.

_________________
Prof. Chaos wrote:
I came in the first three seconds.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:48 am 
Offline
Level: 73 Assmunch
HP: 8032 / 32129
8032 / 32129
MP: 15340 / 15340
15340 / 15340
EXP: 14727 / 15112
14727 / 15112
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 14727
Location: Concord, NC
XBL Gamertag: Atomic Deke
PSN ID: Dogfaced_God
Image

_________________
Blokeh on Bookface wrote:
The Internet.

Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.



Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 4:07 pm 
Offline
Level: 52
HP: 862 / 10781
862 / 10781
MP: 5147 / 5147
5147 / 5147
EXP: 5127 / 5401
5127 / 5401
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:59 pm
Posts: 5127
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
XBL Gamertag: Ax8472
PSN ID: Ax8472
Steam ID: Ax8472
3DS code: 2681-1146-3380
Oh god.... Oh god it hurts....

_________________
Image
"It's just annoying that games are going down the "extension of social media route". If I wanted to meet people I wouldn't sit at home playing games!"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 4:10 pm 
Offline
Level: 73 Assmunch
HP: 8032 / 32129
8032 / 32129
MP: 15340 / 15340
15340 / 15340
EXP: 14727 / 15112
14727 / 15112
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 14727
Location: Concord, NC
XBL Gamertag: Atomic Deke
PSN ID: Dogfaced_God
Ax wrote:
Oh god.... Oh god it hurts....


You have terminal Limey's disease. Symptoms include bad teeth, funny accents, and a baseless superiority complex. I'm afraid there is no cure. My condolences.

_________________
Blokeh on Bookface wrote:
The Internet.

Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.



Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 6:31 pm 
Offline
Level: 52
HP: 862 / 10781
862 / 10781
MP: 5147 / 5147
5147 / 5147
EXP: 5127 / 5401
5127 / 5401
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:59 pm
Posts: 5127
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
XBL Gamertag: Ax8472
PSN ID: Ax8472
Steam ID: Ax8472
3DS code: 2681-1146-3380
Smokey wrote:
Ax wrote:
Oh god.... Oh god it hurts....


You have terminal Limey's disease. Symptoms include bad teeth, funny accents, and a baseless superiority complex. I'm afraid there is no cure. My condolences.


Your mum.

_________________
Image
"It's just annoying that games are going down the "extension of social media route". If I wanted to meet people I wouldn't sit at home playing games!"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 6:50 pm 
Offline
Level: 42 Mystic Knight
HP: 230 / 5755
230 / 5755
MP: 2747 / 2747
2747 / 2747
EXP: 2815 / 2992
2815 / 2992
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:02 am
Posts: 2815
XBL Gamertag: N1ntendawg
PSN ID: Nintendawg-
Steam ID: Spicy Thai Tom
Wii system code: 6733-2568-8499-3558
3DS code: 3566 1726 0253
Nintendo ID: Nintendawgv2
Funny stuff. 8.4/10

:clap:

_________________
Image TOP PERCENTAGE.
Image
Despite what the playstation sig says, I'm not from the UK. G'job Sony.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:12 pm 
Offline
Level: 49 Squire
HP: 721 / 9013
721 / 9013
MP: 4303 / 4303
4303 / 4303
EXP: 4450 / 4563
4450 / 4563
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:11 pm
Posts: 4450
Location: In a dark hole, waiting for nightfall...
PSN ID: Tizzam
Steam ID: Tizzam
Ax wrote:
Smokey wrote:
Ax wrote:
Oh god.... Oh god it hurts....


You have terminal Limey's disease. Symptoms include bad teeth, funny accents, and a baseless superiority complex. I'm afraid there is no cure. My condolences.


Your mum.


oh god, I am dying here....peeps have already looked into my office and asked if I was ok.

MURRICA BITCHES!! FUCK YEAH!!
Image

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 8:43 pm 
Offline
Level: 42 Squire
HP: 287 / 5755
287 / 5755
MP: 2747 / 2747
2747 / 2747
EXP: 2892 / 2992
2892 / 2992
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:35 pm
Posts: 2892
XBL Gamertag: RaikuFA
PSN ID: RaikuFA
Steam ID: RaikuFA
Questions

1. Can we learn the rules of Cricket first?

2. Can I put sugar in my tea as well?

3. I actually need a therapist for reasons. Can we keep some?

4. Can you get rid of baseball faster?

5. Can hockey stay?

6. Can I be knighted?

7. Why isn't baseball gone yet?

8. Shall we make it so that any game ever brought to the US automatically be brought to the UK and vice versa?

9. Can I get help with the "u" situation?

10. Seriously, fuck baseball why isn't it dead yet?

_________________
Image

Image

Nintendawg wrote:
You should be careful, one day you think you're talking to a friendly face, and then bang. Satan is looking you in the eyes... then Satan is a bear... then you are a bear... etc.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 10:11 pm 
Offline
Level: 73 Assmunch
HP: 8032 / 32129
8032 / 32129
MP: 15340 / 15340
15340 / 15340
EXP: 14727 / 15112
14727 / 15112
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 14727
Location: Concord, NC
XBL Gamertag: Atomic Deke
PSN ID: Dogfaced_God
Raiku wrote:
Questions

1. Can we learn the rules of Cricket first?

2. Can I put sugar in my tea as well?

3. I actually need a therapist for reasons. Can we keep some?

4. Can you get rid of baseball faster?

5. Can hockey stay?

6. Can I be knighted?

7. Why isn't baseball gone yet?

8. Shall we make it so that any game ever brought to the US automatically be brought to the UK and vice versa?

9. Can I get help with the "u" situation?

10. Seriously, fuck baseball why isn't it dead yet?


Image

_________________
Blokeh on Bookface wrote:
The Internet.

Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.



Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:09 am 
Offline
Level: 47 Judge
HP: 557 / 7965
557 / 7965
MP: 3803 / 3803
3803 / 3803
EXP: 4004 / 4062
4004 / 4062
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 5:20 pm
Posts: 4004
Location: Bakersfield, CA
XBL Gamertag: TheTwilightStrm
PSN ID: TheTwilightStorm
No more dentists? Ok.

_________________
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:24 am 
Offline
Level: 73 Assmunch
HP: 8032 / 32129
8032 / 32129
MP: 15340 / 15340
15340 / 15340
EXP: 14727 / 15112
14727 / 15112
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 14727
Location: Concord, NC
XBL Gamertag: Atomic Deke
PSN ID: Dogfaced_God
The Twilight Storm wrote:
No more dentists? Ok.


:lol:

_________________
Blokeh on Bookface wrote:
The Internet.

Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.



Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 6:06 am 
Offline
Level: 46 Alchemist
HP: 448 / 7478
448 / 7478
MP: 3570 / 3570
3570 / 3570
EXP: 3606 / 3828
3606 / 3828
User avatar

Joined: Wed May 28, 2008 12:54 pm
Posts: 3606
Location: Baltimore, MD
XBL Gamertag: PantsOfJustice
PSN ID: TalesOfPants
In my drunken state I found this again.

And it is without a doubt the greatest post ever on these forums.


_________________
『ようこそ!ワタシの音楽工場へへへへへへへへへへへへへへ』
.
.
.
『絶対逃ガサナイカラ』


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Important information for all Americans
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 4:59 pm 
Offline
Level: 41 Obama Supporter
HP: 322 / 5376
322 / 5376
MP: 2567 / 2567
2567 / 2567
EXP: 2685 / 2806
2685 / 2806
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 11:42 pm
Posts: 2685
Location: New Jersey
Nintendo ID: Bokuten
The Queen wants to go King George III on us? Ok, that is cool. We will just kick your asses again, send you guys home crying again, and make America ours again. This time we have nukes. I know you guys have them but the United States of America has the worlds largest and most advanced nukes in the world and behind us is Russia. So come fight us... Again.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 35 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Blue Moon by Trent © 2007
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group