It is currently Sun Apr 28, 2024 3:52 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:39 pm 
Offline
Level: 13 Squire
HP: 0 / 370
0 / 370
MP: 176 / 176
176 / 176
EXP: 202 / 224
202 / 224
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:53 am
Posts: 202
XBL Gamertag: Harken82
The following are real reviews for Modern Warfare 2.
[They were all harvested from a facebook app I added today.]
Any spelling or grammar mistakes are for irony.

Names have been changed to protect the retarded.

Eddie Pooper, 17:20
10/10 - 10 / 10 when on line (only when your not on an American server or someone with cable) then its crap !! I have all the Cod series except No.3 which I hear is pants anyway..It's no cod 4 but bloody brilliant on line with the right people !! BRICK SKULL you rock !!


-- A good example of how not to do it. Almost everything is wrong with this, from the lack of any kind of real criticism of the game, down to the pretty tragic spelling and grammar. Should I play the game? Should I not play the game? Should I just smash you in the face with a rubber mallet? Nobody knows.
I give this review 2/10.

Benny Bee, 16:46
8/10 - yeah i wouldn't give this game a 10 i guess a 8 and a quater to get technical... this shit is really fun.... i have it on xbox but my shit is down so ive been playing on pc... too many hackers... no including the hackers the game is great... still can't drive vehicals, maps are still tiny.... even the "big"maps... more cover in this game the levels are built really nice i think. gameply really fun alot of added stuff from the older game. added guns with perks really nice perks. good game. worth the money for sure.


-- I know pressing 'Shift' is a ball ache, but it's only one letter. It's easy. Even I <-- can do it. Also, the words 'quarter', 'not', 'vehicles' and 'gameplay' are not difficult. Oh and one more thing: we don't want to know which direction your 'shit' is going.
I give this review 4/10, (he at least manages to spew out some opinion on the game).

Francoise Francaise, Nolot, 12:26
10/10 - superbe, je viens de passer un mode prestige, ce jeu c'est un truc de MALADE!!!!!!


-- It's in French, which as we all know, is a silly language. Errors in nation of birth aside, I also don't agree with any use of the score '10 out of 10'. Goldeneye doesn't get a 10/10, the Mona Lisa doesn't get a 10/10, your Mum's lasagne doesn't even get a 10/10, (don't tell her I said that). I'm not saying perfection is impossible, I'm just saying Modern Warfare 2 is probably not it.
I give this review 5/10, (and only because reading French gives me a certain firmness).

Muke Wilson, 08:45
10/10 - brilliant wat r u guys xbox live add ons


-- I'm sorry, Muke, I don't understand you. Would you like me to sell you some actual words? This review is actually one word, if you ignore Muke's desperate pleas for internet friends. There you go folks, the Gospel according to Muke: MW2 is 'brilliant'. Buy it now.
I give this review 4/10.

Bonathan McBrew, 23 January
9/10 - 9/10 - multiplayer is a beast but gets really boring once u reach level 70 glad for the whole prestrige option and cant wait to see what infinaty ward has to put in our hands this year.


-- See that key just to the right of 'M'? Try it sometime: it gives us a welcome rest between slices of stupid. Also, spelling 'prestige' wrong when it's part of the game's online menu? Really? Same for 'infinity'. It's on the box, stupid! Two seconds off your arse could have saved you looking like a special kid.

So there you have it folks -- people really are stupid.

Although thinking about it... it could just be MW2 players...


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:50 pm 
Offline
Level: 50 Squire
HP: 766 / 9575
766 / 9575
MP: 4571 / 4571
4571 / 4571
EXP: 4814 / 4830
4814 / 4830
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:10 am
Posts: 4814
Location: Southampton.
XBL Gamertag: MatthewSFC
PSN ID: MatthewSFC
Steam ID: MatthewSFC
k.

_________________


HGW XX/7 wrote:
Pokemon cockslaps Final Fantasy with a fury that is unknown to the human race.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:54 pm 
Offline
Level: 47 Judge
HP: 557 / 7965
557 / 7965
MP: 3803 / 3803
3803 / 3803
EXP: 4004 / 4062
4004 / 4062
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 5:20 pm
Posts: 4004
Location: Bakersfield, CA
XBL Gamertag: TheTwilightStrm
PSN ID: TheTwilightStorm
Plz send me this app. :D

_________________
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 6:00 pm 
Offline
Level: 13 Squire
HP: 0 / 370
0 / 370
MP: 176 / 176
176 / 176
EXP: 202 / 224
202 / 224
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:53 am
Posts: 202
XBL Gamertag: Harken82
The Twilight Storm wrote:
Plz send me this app. :D


http://apps.facebook.com/xbox-live/Gamercard.aspx


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:37 pm 
Offline
Level: 73 Assmunch
HP: 8032 / 32129
8032 / 32129
MP: 15340 / 15340
15340 / 15340
EXP: 14727 / 15112
14727 / 15112
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 14727
Location: Concord, NC
XBL Gamertag: Atomic Deke
PSN ID: Dogfaced_God
It's just MW2 players.

_________________
Blokeh on Bookface wrote:
The Internet.

Where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.



Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 1:21 pm 
Offline
Level: 41 Machinist
HP: 268 / 5376
268 / 5376
MP: 2567 / 2567
2567 / 2567
EXP: 2797 / 2806
2797 / 2806
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:25 pm
Posts: 2797
Location: Brampton, Canada
XBL Gamertag: J58P4
PSN ID: MadSketch
Steam ID: afororange
Review my review? lolz

_________________
Image

Inspired by PhoenixGamma.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 6:41 pm 
Offline
Level: 13 Squire
HP: 0 / 370
0 / 370
MP: 176 / 176
176 / 176
EXP: 202 / 224
202 / 224
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:53 am
Posts: 202
XBL Gamertag: Harken82
Harken82 Reviews the gamecubist's MW2 Review

Modern Warfare 2 is possibly one of the first moments where legions of gamers are making an ethical choice. Other games have had these elements – SMT: Nocturne, a game I reviewed a while back, also has these choices. The Fable games, Jade Empire, Fallout, Demon’s Souls etc. – they all have these choices.

The difference with Modern Warfare 2 and other games is that while other games with these “ethics” system is that MW2 doesn’t lampoon us with game mechanics based around our choice. There’s no obvious “ok if I help this guy I’ll get Pure White WT and I won’t get my ass beat as much” – there is no hidden (or not so hidden) counter keeping tally.

It truly just asks us, as a player, what we would do if placed in this character’s shoes. No more, no less.


I agree with this entirely. That moment, in the airport, where you actually have to decide, is one of the most truly gutting moments of any game I have ever played. That moment where you think "it doesn't matter, it's just a game" but then you think "but these people are civilians, what does this say about me?"

You make an intelligent point there, and I agree. MW2 has one level where you make a moral choice. It doesn't affect you, or the remainder of the game, or how others react to you -- but in my opinion, is leagues ahead of the entire story's worth of arbitrary moral systems like those in Fable or Jade Empire.

You can see now why I say Modern Warfare 2 lacks “tension”. COD4 has tension by slowing it down, having moments where you just observe, moments to think. When you have no reference for a “slow” moment, how can you know how tension feels? It all feels too similar.

So very true, gamecubist. I describe the single player as "you are crossing the road with Michael Bay", and I stand by that. The diner / car park mission is very much "oh I think I saw a Stinger in a diner across the street" every five minutes. The whole thing feels like a sequence of pops and bangs stringing you between explosions.

It looks nice and sounds furious. The score tries to inject a bit too much melodrama, trying to frame the action, but this isn’t Rez. I don’t rely solely on music to establish the action; I demand intelligent design as well!

I agree with this as well -- the music is very Hollywood and is another example of game developers copying the bad and insulting habits of film makers. Film makers believe that viewers need every moment in the story to be explained by an emotional cue from the musical score. We need to be credited with a touch more intelligence I think.

Spec-Ops is brilliant. Playing it a few times with friends, it echoes COD4 game design. It has pacing; playing with a friend, you truly feel moments of desperation, running to save your partner, cover him while he makes a run for it. It’s intelligently designed to support two players, and this is why it was spun off into its own mode leaving the story single-player only. I know when I first heard news of no story co-op mode, I was disappointed, because Gears of War and its sequel have incredible co-op campaigns. But this works to. It’s so bite sized, and with the mechanics of CoD remain as strong as ever, it works for gameplay sessions of any length.

SpecOps is the best thing about the game, in my eyes. We have had sooooooo much fun with it. Sniper Fi alone is worth several hours of laughing so hard your kidneys ache. SpecOps is my favourite part of MW2. The single player is obnoxious and shallow, and multi is stressful with the MW2 community as it is. I can only press Mute so many times before it's time to calm down by playing Lego Batman for a while. What I will say about multi is that the weapon collecting system is still awesome. I don't play it enough to comment, but some say it's a bit unbalanced.

Modern Warfare 2 is a game of the times. Game design these days encourages razor-sharp game mechanics that can lead to fully developed multiplayer suites, and Modern Warfare 2 nails this. It also has an incredibly weak single player campaign, frustrating for players like me who absolutely adored Infinity Ward’s common sense approach to COD4.

Solid summary. Glad you were even-handed with it -- I bet the MW2-bots weren't too happy, but at least you did an honest and constructive review.

One tip:

Ratings


Graphics: A Bold and brash, endlessly detailed.
Sound: A The music is a bit over-driven, but it’s fitting given the overblown nature of the campaign. Guns sound like guns.
Gameplay: A Snappy control, with enough “fuck yeah!” feedback to get you immersed.
Replayability: B The single player is rubbish, but the other components of the game – Spec-Ops and Multiplayer – can last you a very, very long time.

OVERALL: B+ A game of today, enjoyable today. Timeless like COD4? No.


Don't do this. People skip to the bottom of a review to find the scores -- they'd rather read for 5 seconds than one minute, and don't care that they've completely missed the point. Don't give the ADD sufferers a chance to skip your review...!

So yeah -- I like it. It's in another world to some of the reviews we are unlucky enough to read, some even on respected websites or in so-called 'impartial' games magazines.

Love ya for not succumbing to the MW2 brainwash which seems to have engulfed the world!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 7:30 pm 
Offline
Level: 50 Squire
HP: 766 / 9575
766 / 9575
MP: 4571 / 4571
4571 / 4571
EXP: 4814 / 4830
4814 / 4830
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:10 am
Posts: 4814
Location: Southampton.
XBL Gamertag: MatthewSFC
PSN ID: MatthewSFC
Steam ID: MatthewSFC
My review of Modern Warfare 2.

Single Player:
*Yawn*
Some cool set pieces, but none of the intensity like COD4's I think I found playing COD4 on Recruit more intense than MW2 on veteran. :facepalm:
This amazing moral choice moment during which what you do DOESN'T matter. Yay!
Multiplayer:
So all they really had to do was hand over COD4, add a few new guns, get rid of shitty noob perks and make some new maps.
What we got? Terrible maps (bar one or two), even more noob perks, Danger Close, Commando anyone?
Oh they added host migration YAY, too bad it fails 90% of the time.
Thermal and heartbeat sensors = nubs.
But it is fun, when it works.
Spec ops:
When it works it's a bunch of fun and actually intense, but most of the time it doesn't.

Overall, probably a 6/10
Only reason I play this now is to get multiplayer 100% on the main menu, seeing as the campaign and spec ops is set to that.

COD4 FTW

_________________


HGW XX/7 wrote:
Pokemon cockslaps Final Fantasy with a fury that is unknown to the human race.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 2:29 am 
Offline
Level: 41 Machinist
HP: 268 / 5376
268 / 5376
MP: 2567 / 2567
2567 / 2567
EXP: 2797 / 2806
2797 / 2806
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:25 pm
Posts: 2797
Location: Brampton, Canada
XBL Gamertag: J58P4
PSN ID: MadSketch
Steam ID: afororange
lol, I expected to get ripped to shit.

I'd rather not have the ratings at the bottom of the review, but it's sorta the UUDD policy cause they put reviews on the site from here. I hate trying to assign scores to certain things, and making snappy little descriptions!

_________________
Image

Inspired by PhoenixGamma.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:24 am 
Offline
Level: 78 Chump
HP: 12507 / 40346
12507 / 40346
MP: 19263 / 19263
19263 / 19263
EXP: 18622 / 18735
18622 / 18735
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 11:51 pm
Posts: 18622
Location: Bradford, UK
XBL Gamertag: Blokeh
PSN ID: Blokeh
Steam ID: Blokeh
Wii system code: 2445-8086-3386-0718
Not no more.... which is something that will come into effect very shortly.

Harken and I had us a little chat, and yeah, its kinda stupid us going "Write a review how you want to, but do it this way....".

So from now on, reviews get written how you want, with no interference from us. An announcement will be up shortly. :)

_________________
Image

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Harken82 Reviews other people's Reviews
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 6:10 pm 
Offline
Level: 13 Squire
HP: 0 / 370
0 / 370
MP: 176 / 176
176 / 176
EXP: 202 / 224
202 / 224
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:53 am
Posts: 202
XBL Gamertag: Harken82
Blokeymon wrote:
Not no more.... which is something that will come into effect very shortly.

Harken and I had us a little chat, and yeah, its kinda stupid us going "Write a review how you want to, but do it this way....".

So from now on, reviews get written how you want, with no interference from us. An announcement will be up shortly. :)


Wow, Blokey, props. I'm made up. I'll be doing loads of reviews now there are no boundaries... WE COULD BE HEROES...

See, gamecubist -- now you can do your review however you want, thanks to Blokey and UUDD.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Blue Moon by Trent © 2007
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group